wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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