brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
