we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
