Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There's always time for handjobs
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
