were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
