when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
