i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
