So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
