bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
