Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
