I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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