Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
