ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
