Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It was confusing and full of hummus
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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