the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
