I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
