Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
