I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
