Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
