soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
