i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
