never play flip cup with pint glasses
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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