he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
