I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
