That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
this hospital has no fireball
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize