i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
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