I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
