I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
