I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
