I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
