Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
