Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
