I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
