Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
