hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
