Your face is a jimmy john
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
