How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Watching her eat just hurts me
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
