I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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