He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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