Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
