I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
