She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
