Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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