so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
