I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
