In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
