No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
