Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
