I can text with my tongue
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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