So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
smell my finger.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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