so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
