He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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