I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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