I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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