you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
