it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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