I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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