i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I've blown a few things in my day
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
