PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
