Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
