I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
