Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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