I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
