dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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