The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
