she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
