We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
