She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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