As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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