My boss' voice literally gives me gas
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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