Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
