Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
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