Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
