my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
