GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
