you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
