His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
