A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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