I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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