Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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